Believe It: It's the Only Chicks These Guys Can Get.

P*TA is shipping inflatable sex dolls overseas, apparently for wild sex parties involving chickens, scalding hot water, and a goatee'd dead guy in a white suit. That's some rough sex.

Help Find Haggis.

No, not that nasty Scottish "delicacy"... this is a Scottish Deerhound, "Haggis", who's been missing near Bowie, Maryland since a car accident Thanksgiving. Details here.

According to reports on the Deerhound discussion list, he's been spotted many times, but will not approach anyone. He's in survival mode. I've heard of this happening with Salukis that get lost in the New Mexico deserts.. they become practically feral overnight, and won't even approach their owners. It's what keeps them alive.

Hopefully Haggis can be reunited with his people soon.

Georgians. Pick Up Trucks. A Pee Wee Football Team?!?

This will irritate Todd, but I can't help myself. There's just too much raw material. I'm just at a loss for this guy's motive.

All that's missing is "Mama", and "Prison". "D-i-v-o-r-c-e" is probably in his future, if this loser's even married.

Christmas Fark.

I just love Fark. Follow the link to see holiday stories about:

• Slow news day: Woman discovers she is allergic to Christmas trees


• Humbug, the law that banned Christmas


• It wouldn't be Christmas on Fark without at least one story of a drunk naked guy plowing his car into a garage. Happy Holidays, everybody


• 6.2 magnitude quake hits Japan. No word on possible tsunami. Large Caucasian man in red suit seen near epicenter wanted for questioning


• LAPD arrests 280-pound man dressed in Santa hat, red lace camisole, purple G-string, and black leg warmers for DUI. Thankfully, this article has no pics


• 
  
  Man missing in the wilderness near Humptulips found safe just in time for Christmas. In related news, submitter now can't stop saying 'Humptulips' (I've actually been in Humptulips! - DG)

...and some non-Christmas stories:

• Man demonstrating how he would kill companion with a nail gun shoots himself

Check it out. Lots more where that came from.

Anniversary.

Christmas day marks the 3rd Anniversary of the Hare-Brained Express Tour blog. I just finished looking over the very first couple of posts. I was pretty clueless, and Blogger was pretty primitive. But we've gotten to this point, and while readership isn't in the "Daily Kos" range, by any stretch of the imagination, we're averaging close to 20 looks a day. And that's pretty good. Thanks everybody.

Merry Christmas to All...

..or whatever your special holiday. As I mentioned the other day, we didn't get a card made this year, for a variety of reasons, none of which are important enough to go into here, so I just had a brainstorm. Our.. My Christmas Card to all readers... with thanks to Robert Earl Keen:

And That's Why They Call it "Jerky".

I was sure this story was going to take place somewhere in the South.